The Winter Olympics (of Chuck)

Chuck is a fan of competition. Chuck knows what it's like to win, that's all Chuck ever does. But to the others, it must be great just to compete agains Chuck.

The Winter Olympics are starting, and people from around the world are competing to get a chance to know what it feels like to be Chuck. That's why the gold metal is golden like my beard. Silver? Silver like my eyes. Bronze? Bronze like the spurs on my boots as they roundhouse kick you in the head.

And no, Chuck doesn't compete because Chuck would win every metal (which Chuck would). Chuck doesn't compete because most of the countries in the world have restraining orders against me. And as a Texas Ranger, Chuck respects the law.